What is that i want ?

It is one of those questions that i had hardly ask myself till date in my life. I am in need of something or the other through out my life but never i had questioned myself what exactly i need. Because never had i thought what exactly do i need and why there is a need for what i needed.

When i sit down myself and look into myself deeper i realize all that i need is the need of others.
All the minds around me what me to be some one else and my need also became the same what others want me to be. So my need is nothing but others needs and i had taken it as mine.

What i could not able to realize was that when one of those needs were fulfilled then a new need was raised of nowhere and there existed no trace of the old one and all i see in front of me was the new need. Its just like a ripple in the water , it keeps on multiplying , the more you stir the more it formulates.

Why is that i always wanted something. Why is that i always want to be someone else ? Why is that i can't accept me the way i am ? Why is that i always wanted to have something else than what i have right now ?

I had thought of these questions for a very long time and still keeps me wondering. I had come across so many people in my life who are also interested in these subjects like me and also have claimed to acquired the mastery over them. May be you some times feel that the person on the other side have got an answer to that which is very much convincing but never you feel that his answers is totally acceptable with you.

But very lately i realized myself that the more knowledge we garbage with us the more confused we would be. Because as such we have been conditioned so much and with all these shit already existing with us if we accumulate more then no where we can see the world as it is.There is no way you can understand yourself with the knowledge of some one else.

Unless i understand what is that need that i always have with in me i would always go around in circles like a dog trying to catch its own shadow. when the very own question of wanting to be someone disappears my search for all these will also disappear.

For this to realize i feel we have to travel the path all alone , there is no ready made map or so called Guide to guide you.