Art of Delivering

Its very difficult to deliver exactly the same message into the other person in front of you. If you are succeeded in that then you are master of your life to a great extent. Because all issues and sorrows in life is because of lack of communication.

I had varied feedback on my new story Missing Fingers and few understood exactly what i intended to convey in the story. Hence its a long way for me to learn the art of conveying :) the exact message easily to others.

I am penning down gist of the story for those who felt that the story is too lengthy and took a wise decision of not reading it :)

The story revolves around the life of a young transsexual women (M2F), who adopts a orphan baby boy and sacrifices her usual life style in order to bring up the child in the normal environment. She showers all the love in the world on this child and even the child never thinks of a life without her.

She subdues all her pleasures that she wants in life in up bring the child and finally decides to leave him when she feels he is capable of leading a life of his own. In the end even the child understands and respect the love she has shown by allowing her to lead the life she wanted.

The story also tries to tell that mothers love is not just bonded with only the mother who gives birth but it is with all those people who showers love without conditions attached.

Missing Fingers II - A Short Story

Continuation from part 1.

For me the whole world came to a halt because never a thought came into me till date of living without her. Everything went blank for me and for the first time my own house felt like a strangers place for me. I did not know what to do, I want to think but my mind did not allow me to. I slept on the mattress spread on the veranda with tears rolling down my cheeks and I woke after sometime daunted with the sounds of crackers outside and for the salty taste of my tears.

I wiped my eyes and slowly opened front door of the house, the door opened with a creak which usually make my teeth’s more sensitive. I always hated that sound but today it did not had any effect on me. I peeped through the half open door and found the road outside was filled with smoke from crackers and lot of noise. I felt why everyone so happy with Muni amma missing and making me orphan again.

I sat at the door step staring at the black smoke filled road expecting Muni amma to emerge from those smoke. I consoled myself that she might have gone out to get me the big car which she promised to gift me on Diwali. Hours rolled by and still there was no traces of her and my heart beat increased at a great pace with lot of thoughts flooding my head.

I have not seen her like that, she has never shouted on me even though I have asked that question lot of times earlier. Why is that she frowned on me so badly yesterday? Is that the reason why she deserted me like this? Lot of questions started grinding me and I was helpless. I said to myself that once she is back in my life, I would hold her fingers tight and never let it loose.

Even the sun went hiding behind the clouds. I slowly started walking towards the market road. I was enquiring for her with all the people I know but everyone responded similarly saying that they have not seen her. I knocked the doors of all the houses she worked and everyone complained that she has not turned to work today. The market clock struck four times and I was feeling dizzy and things were getting blurred as I was starving from morning. I just walked past the signal and rested myself below the big time square pillar hoping to find her. It looked as though the whole world celebrating the festival of lights and me lost my only light.

The traffic flow was heavy as it was a holiday and there was a huge rush at the traffic signals. There were so many people who make their living out of these signals. Some were begging and others trying to sell items to make their living. As I was looking at them my interest turned to these transsexuals commonly called as hijra’s. I had noticed that lot of people give money believing that hijra’s bring luck in their life.

As I was noticing them collecting money suddenly one of the hijra eyes connected with mine and she gave a gentle smile. That smile was very familiar to me but I could not recognize who the person was. I churned through my mind trying to figure out who the person was and finally got the answer. It was Shiju, Muni amma’s only friend. She has even taken me to his place couple of times but I wondered why Shiju has dressed like transsexual.

I recollected my senses and shouted his name to the top of my voice. He turned back and waved his hand asking me to come to him. The traffic light turned green and I could not cross the road as he was standing on the median between the two roads. I could not wait for the lights to turn red, I barged myself to the median without caring for the oncoming vehicles. I almost missed being hit by a car and reached the median.

Shiju scolded me, Are you mad that you rushed like this? Can’t you wait till the lights turn red? I thought to myself I don’t care even if i die all I want is my Muni amma.

I asked him, Where is Muni amma? I am searching for her from morning and not found her.

I know for sure that she might have told you where she will be because you are the only person who talks with her. Shiju told that he has last met her three days back and she did not tell anything about her leaving. My only hope of getting her back was lost when Shiju spelled out these words and I fall on the ground helplessly.

Shiju held me tight and consoled me saying “Maybe she might have gone for Narasipur”.

I have never heard of Narasipur before but I would go anywhere in the world to get her back. I pleaded Shiju to help me to go to Narasipur. Finally Shiju agreed to help me get a bus to Narasipur and before the bus left he told me to get down at the government hospital stop and walk towards the beach and try to look out for Muni amma.

As the bus started I was thinking about this place Narasipur, what a strange name it is. But all I wanted was to find her and get her back. With all these thoughts I slept and was only woken up by the conductor when hospital stop arrived.

It was drizzling when I got down the bus and the night was very dark without the moon. I could able to hear the waves splashing the shores and started walking towards the beach. As the beach came to my view I noticed that there was a huge gathering and fire was lit. As I neared the beach I could hear people singing and drums beats filling the whole air. There was lot of people dancing and praying to the god which was kept in the center. It was a strange celebration since all people gathered there were transsexuals and was dressed totally unusual.

I was breathing heavily and was feeling uncomfortable. I was searching for Muni amma and was also feeling why she would be here. Did Shiju lie to me? All around me people were cursing god for making them like this and crying out their heart. Even I was crying seeing all this and missing my Muni amma.

There finally I found my Muni amma, glad in red saree and white blouse. She has worn lot of ornaments and never had I seen her dressed like this. She had lot of flowers in her hair and was dancing to the drum beats. I wanted to run to her and hold her in my arms and ask her why she has deserted me.

But my legs were not moving and so were my lips. I had never seen her so happy and dancing in my whole life, I was thinking maybe this is the life she wanted to live but could not able to live all these days. I don’t want to get back into her life again and make her unhappy.

The sounds of the drum beats were raising, so were the waves in the ocean. I slowly started walking towards the waves thinking of those missing fingers which held my life all these while.

Missing Fingers I - A Short Story

(Happy mothers day)

My whole world revolved around her, i used to hold her last two fingers always while we were traveling in bus or while i was sleeping. Her fingers used to be so part of my being without it i felt so aghast and would wonder how my life will be if those fingers went missing. The very thought of it would make my whole body shiver.

My day starts and ends looking at her face. She used to wake me up and would always sleep after i slept and hence i don't get an image of her sleeping however hard i try. She would make me sleep with great stories which always had a happy ending and the people in the stories are filthy rich. May be she wants me have a luxurious life style at least in my dreams.

I did not know how to count numbers or else i would have told how many houses she worked as a maid. All i remember was her day starts and ends with work nothing else. She used to take me to all the houses she worked. She used to make to sit in a corner with the food given to her and by the time i finish the food she would have finished the house hold work. She was so happy seeing me eating and it never occurred to me that i should share the food with her.

I used to watch the other kids in the houses she worked playing with those costly toys and would ask Muni amma to buy me those and she would never reject my requests. She would always promise me that this Diwali she would get a bonus and would definitely get me the big car i always asked for. Every day i would ask the same question and she would answer with the same smile on her face.

She never made me feel that i am an orphan and she is my adopted mother unless Ponni told the other day. I remember how much she wept that day when Ponni broke this news to me. She held me tight all through night and told me not to listen to others and i am born to her. I can still hear her sobbing whole night wrapping me in her arms.

I don't remember when i cried last because she was always there for me with all that i wanted. I had hardly seen her crying and grumbling about poverty. Only thing i always wondered was why is that she never talks about father. Whenever i ask her about him she would say i will let you know when time comes and you are old enough to understand. I would leave it at that thinking she is right and i am still very young.

Everything was so well for me until I woke up that Diwali morning. It was the nightmare that i always feared the most, it was the last thing I wanted in my life. The very fingers which i always felt part of my being were missing when I opened my eyes for the sounds of the crackers entering my room from the ventilator. I searched the whole house in despair just to find out she is not there anywhere.

Click to Read More .........