Missing Fingers I - A Short Story

(Happy mothers day)

My whole world revolved around her, i used to hold her last two fingers always while we were traveling in bus or while i was sleeping. Her fingers used to be so part of my being without it i felt so aghast and would wonder how my life will be if those fingers went missing. The very thought of it would make my whole body shiver.

My day starts and ends looking at her face. She used to wake me up and would always sleep after i slept and hence i don't get an image of her sleeping however hard i try. She would make me sleep with great stories which always had a happy ending and the people in the stories are filthy rich. May be she wants me have a luxurious life style at least in my dreams.

I did not know how to count numbers or else i would have told how many houses she worked as a maid. All i remember was her day starts and ends with work nothing else. She used to take me to all the houses she worked. She used to make to sit in a corner with the food given to her and by the time i finish the food she would have finished the house hold work. She was so happy seeing me eating and it never occurred to me that i should share the food with her.

I used to watch the other kids in the houses she worked playing with those costly toys and would ask Muni amma to buy me those and she would never reject my requests. She would always promise me that this Diwali she would get a bonus and would definitely get me the big car i always asked for. Every day i would ask the same question and she would answer with the same smile on her face.

She never made me feel that i am an orphan and she is my adopted mother unless Ponni told the other day. I remember how much she wept that day when Ponni broke this news to me. She held me tight all through night and told me not to listen to others and i am born to her. I can still hear her sobbing whole night wrapping me in her arms.

I don't remember when i cried last because she was always there for me with all that i wanted. I had hardly seen her crying and grumbling about poverty. Only thing i always wondered was why is that she never talks about father. Whenever i ask her about him she would say i will let you know when time comes and you are old enough to understand. I would leave it at that thinking she is right and i am still very young.

Everything was so well for me until I woke up that Diwali morning. It was the nightmare that i always feared the most, it was the last thing I wanted in my life. The very fingers which i always felt part of my being were missing when I opened my eyes for the sounds of the crackers entering my room from the ventilator. I searched the whole house in despair just to find out she is not there anywhere.

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Naked Truth

Any experience with truth, reality cannot be easily digested. So is these pictures of life before death.

These are the pictures taken by me of newly born orphan rat babies. The babies are safely released after the shoot, hope they have survived.

First experience is the last experience

Its all started when my 31/2 years old niece Lakshmi want to go for swimming. She had always dreamed of swimming and would get so excited when she would watch someone swimming. She would imitate them by making actions of swimming lying on the floor.

She would ask so many questions to me on how to swim ? what would be the color of water in the swimming pool ? I don't like it to be blue color can we turn them to pink when we go for swimming and so many more questions flooded when she has thoughts of swimming flowing in her mind.

Yesterday was the day her dream came true.

She woke up early yesterday and walked into my room asking "Mama, will you take me to swimming today ?". These were the first words that came out of her lovely lips. I thought to myself maybe she might have been dreaming of swimming last night. I felt i should take her today its too much of a wait for her.

Myself , Lakshmi and whole family finally landed ourselves in country club by afternoon. On the way she had so many questions on swimming pool. "Mama, will there be water in the pool today ? Will be there fishes in the pool ? Can i mix my water colors in the pool before i get into it ? I would like to swim with the fishes and on and on.

When we walked near the pool, she was so much excited seeing children playing in the water. She wanted to jump into water immediately, she got dressed in a flash and went to the pool all by herself. She was strolling in the blue water contended and happy that her dream of swimming has finally come true.

She slipped and finally landed herself upside down in the water. As the fluid rushed through her nostrils her joy of swimming also washed out from her heart. She has got her first water phobia attack and the very next moment she wanted to be out of water. It took us a lot of effort to get her back into water and finally she started to play again but still with little bit of phobia left behind.

All of us dream like Lakshmi to do the things which we have not done in our lives. We draft out so many plans on what/how i should do to get there. We visualize, feel and literally live in our dreams of what we want to have or how we should be when we are there. But when the moment awaited comes before us and if some unpleasant incident happens, our dreams gets shattered then the very experience becomes awful.

These first time experiences always has a permanent place in our brains. Once registered the brain always references these records when a similar circumstance is confronted and since the first experience is unpleasant its very difficult to have a fresh look into the new situation.

The quote "First experience is the last experience" remains forever if we don't understand the working of our mind to the core.

But i am glad that Lakshmi could able to get over her phobia so easily because her mind is not yet conditioned as us.

I have nothing to write

I am writing these lines with out knowing what to write. I wanted to write something today on the blog but i don't know on what subject should i write. Generally i write on things i observe surrounding me or on subject on which i had come across very recently.

Today i have met few of my friends and relatives and had lot of discussions but still when i sat down to write down something i don't find anything interesting. This is one of those days wherein you would have done lot of things but at the end of the day you feel you have not done anything.

Its a strange responsibility to own a blog of your own, its like owning your own company and you being the CEO. Nobody questions you and you don't need to answer anybody but still you feel more proactive in keeping your blog alive. You feel something is missing today when you don't post anything, may be as days rolls by slowly this interest may also fades out.

This very interest within always keeps your eye and ear open for things to write for today, it makes you more attentive and let you observe things in detail. You feel good that you have learned something by these observations and self expressions, you realize that the cosmos is opened up for you and teaches you a totally new view of looking at thing around you.

You suddenly wonder how i was missing so many things in my life which was happening all this while, never noticed so many details around me. Once this realized the cosmos starts communicating with you in each and everything you do.

Good that i found something finally to write out of nothing :)

Jnana Peeta

This is one place in the whole universe where in every one finds solace and gives you a feeling of @ home. There is no faking to the self and everyone sees themselves at face value. The very place where you see the naked truth without any filters attached which realizes that we are just animals with little bit of intellectual reasoning powers nothing more than that.

The place is much holier than any place on the universe because we get realized that to get anything we have to give something. Life is not one way and there is more pleasure when you give something and this makes way for the lighter things to come within you.

This is a place of high powers wherein you go for meditation for hours together and come out with a new fresh love bubbling within yourself. When there is so much noise in the whole world around you and you hit a dead end, only this world can give you so much of self space and helps you to come out of noise with soothing music which dilutes the obstacles surrounding you.

The very seat of this world is filled to the brim with creativeness and freshness that it helps to explore the untrodden paths and come out with fresh ideas and solutions. Its the seat of high intellectual powers. But we don't realize the importance and powers of this seat and instead its the most neglected place in most of the homes.

Its the most adorable place of mine in the whole universe and respect it with coining a new name called "Jnana Peeta".

Time Machine

I always had a special fascination for this marvelous invention, the history of this machines dates to mythological ages. As life evolved this time machine also evolved rapidly with inventors making it look much more appealing and interesting.

As a child i always dreamed of possessing one for myself. It is one of those wealth every one loves to posses because it gets you to the movement you wish to be. Before even my final exams were started i would start dreaming about how i should spend my vacations at my grandpa's house. I would always want to have those time machines which was shown in movies in my very own hands, so that with the click of a button or tying the lovely instrument to you wrist would take me to the places of my choice and time frame.

Everyone of us love to dream, we dream when we are asleep and we dream even when awake. So the thoughts (dream) is always there within us till the very source of thought gets destroyed.
Its a perpetuating machine.

I strongly believed that there existed no time machines in this universe but very recently got to believe that there exists a time machine in each one of us. With this time machine we have an option to fly to any place and time frame of our choices.

Isn't the Time Machine really a wonderful creation !

A Honest Proposal

Every one wants to settle down in life, but what is that settlement ? I always had this question popped up in my head when my elders say to me get settled in life first and then you can do all the things you want to do. But i always wonder how can i do the things which i want to do now after settling down. You settle down only after you are done with things, you settle down basically to rest hence to settle basically you have to live to fullest.

One of the highlighted things in settling down list is marriage. I just got a forwarded mail from someone i hardly know, generally i don't even open most of the forward mails i get, unless their subject is catchy. The subject of this mail reads "Bangalore arranged marriage gone totally wild!".

I thought i would be a very serious article or video clip but it turned out to be well scripted shortly play and entertaining. Good there are lot of newbies just want to try out something like this :).

P.S: Please switch on your system speakers